On Saturday evening when I was supposed to be finishing a paper I found myself on Facebook reading through my newsfeed and came across this article by Kristen Dalton Wolfe for She is More called “The Husband List: 12 Non-Negotiables.” Now this post won’t be about relationships per se, but the importance of having non-negotiables aka standards.


I get a lot of flack for my “non-negotiables” (which are almost identical to what Kristen outlines) when it comes to standards for men, but I refuse to settle. If I refuse to settle for a sub-par intimate relationship, then I should refuse to settle for anything sub-par in life.

Non-Negotiable is defined as: not open to negotiation or discussion.

They are the things that we cannot waiver on. Sometimes we get caught up in our emotions and feelings and we don’t think logically and agree to things that we would not normally agree to just to please people. We have to develop set standards that we live by and these are the principles that mean the most to you. As a believer of Christ my non-negotiables stem from the principles taught through Jesus as outlined in the bible. You have to stand firm on your beliefs. You know the saying,


“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” -Malcolm X

This is true in all aspects of life. You have to set standards for yourself, for others, for your finances, for your time, etc. Essentially, you are asking yourself what values and principles are most important that if they are ever violated would change the dynamics of your life?

You have to set boundaries to establish order in life and to give yourself a sense of protection from being violated. Non-negotiables include respect, commitment, and loyalty. So what are your non-negotiable?

Every year I try to buy myself something for Christmas, I treat myself quite well throughout the year, so this year I decided to give myself a little something different, and guess what it didn’t cost me anything (How awesome is that!)


1. Me Time– I am EXTREMELY busy nowadays. I seem to only have time for work and school. So this Christmas I am giving myself one of God’s most precious gifts…Time. I need to find balance to do things that make me happy and that help build my relationships. I know because of my schedule I don’t have lots of time, but at least once a week I will focus on me whether it’s a pampering session, reading a book,  or just spending quality time with family and friends.

2. Proper Nutrition and Exercise- Remember my Workout Wednesday posts? Yeah I know that it has been FOREVER and that’s because I have fallen off significantly. My eating habits have become terrible. All I do is snack…I have put on a little bit of weight that I am not too pleased about because of how my clothes fit and my overall appearance so I plan on fixing that ASAP. I need to be healthy, not just for my physical appearance, but just to live a longer life. I don’t want to worry about diabetes, high blood pressure, or anything else that could happen as a result of my diet.

3. Spiritual Renewal– For the last few months my spiritual life has been suffering. I thank God for his grace and mercy everyday, because if it was up to me to maintain his unconditional love and unmerited favor I would be in trouble. I don’t have an excuse or reason for why this has happened, but I have been experiencing great blessings, but also many spiritual convictions that have been weighing on my spirit, because of my lack of discipline and obedience to God’s word. I know what I need to do to get back on track spiritually and that will happen immediately.

4. Joy and Happiness- I wrote a post about joy and happiness back and February and I needed a reminder of what I wrote. Joy is internal and happiness is external. I need to do the things that bring long lasting joy, but also happiness in the moment. I feel like this is something that I am missing.

5. Love– I love me some me and I need to really walk in that mindset. I have to stop rejecting the love of others because I am afraid. I have to truly accept God’s unconditional love and appreciate the people that He brought into my life. I have to truly love my neighbor as myself, no matter the circumstances. I have to give my time, talents, and abilities that God has blessed me with because of his love for me.

So there you have my Christmas list. What’s on yours?

“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure” -Sven Goran Eriksson


“Life is meaningless only if we allow it to be. Each of us has the power to give life meaning, to make our time and our bodies and our words into instruments of love and hope.” -Tom Head


Yes life is good and this has been the message in church for the past couple of weeks. Some people may look at their circumstances and allow that to prevent them from enjoying life, but my circumstances do not determine my happiness. Every morning that I wake up, I thank God for allowing me to see another day and giving me the chance to enjoy life.

I know for some it would be extremely difficult to find any type of joy or happiness when bills a past due, a loved one is sick or in jail, you have just been laid off from a job, or any other bad thing that could happen, but when you focus on the negative your life will be negative. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have. Every day that we wake up, we are given another chance to change our circumstances. We have to be wise and make wise decisions. The negativity in our lives often comes from bad choices and decisions. We sometimes act on impulse and don’t really think things through which is why we end up in certain situations. Those consequences that we face are because we used poor judgment.

We cannot always put the blame on some when something bad happens in our lives. We have to take responsibility for our actions and decisions and learn from them so we won’t make the same mistake. We can also use our current situations to plan for a better future because life was not meant to be “hard.” We make life hard on ourselves.Yes, there are some situations that we have no control over like the MTA and their fare hikes, but what is complaining and cursing the MTA getting us, absolutely nothings so we need to find a way to make this situation work for us. How about we use our talents and gifts that were given to us to generate more income. We cannot change what the MTA is doing so let us find ways to be creative producers and not just consumers when we are faced with a challenge.

Life is good, if we want it to be.  So what do you choose?

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