Her Goody Bag

Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

Inside Scoop: Men- The Type of Man I Would Never Date

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Yesterday someone retweeted a post from blogger Blogxilla titled “A Man Will Cheat If A Woman Doesn’t Understand These 8 Things” (Click Here to read) and as I read the article I asked myself where do these type of men hangout so I can stay FAR away from that place. I won’t address every point but there were a few that just really bothered me so here they are and my responses.

Just because I want to give your home girl hard p*** in the bathroom of a club doesn’t mean I will. Ladies if you have a pretty friend it’s only nature that a man would want to do her. He probably thinks damn I would do x y and z to her and put her pink fuzzy panties on my head and let her take pictures of me, but then again I would never do anything to lose my boo, because I love her.

If you truly “loved your boo” you would not have any reason to lust after her friend. Granted lust is a part of human nature, but come on don’t use that as an excuse. If you think about the act has already been committed in the heart so that is just as bad. This is a Maury/Jerry Springer situation waiting to happen

I will look at women on the internet, deal with it. God bless Rosa Acosta, Bria Myles, Kitty and the other video vixens. A woman should understand that this is the internet age, and women send sexy twitpics, facebook and myspace profile pics and all of that. As a man I am programmed to look at them and say things like Damn! Whoa! And OhMiGosh!

Who is your programmer? They need a smack to adjust the battery and wires in your back. Don’t use the internet as an excuse for this type of behavior. If any man does this blatantly in front of his girlfriend or not it is just disrespectful. I hate when break their necks to look at a female. Yes we are all beautiful, but come on, you’ve never seen a big butt? You’ve never seen breast? Stop acting like 14yr old boys. Don’t blame the internet age on getting twitpics…if it is known that you are in a relationship then you should not accept or open any twitpics or myspace messages because its obvious the skanky woman doesn’t have respect for your partner and by you making this excuse it shows that you don’t either.

I will give my boys cover from cheating, advice on how to cheat and be an excuse for them if they need me too. You got a few hoe friends too again you should understand… but I know you won’t, and I fully understand if you don’t like him, but we will still hit the strip club and go out for drinks. I will always love you.

I guess decency just went out of the window…If you will do it for him he will do it for you so why should I trust you? I know people are going to say that’s loyalty, but whenever someone tries to put me in a situation like that I say I don’t want to get involved. If you are doing your dirt don’t try to makek me an accomplice.

At this point I’m like this has got to be a joke until I got to the last point which I actually agree with…

I have no clue what you’re talking about unless you’re upfront and direct with me. – Women give too many hints and quite simply men don’t do hints we are direct and we beat around the bush when we don’t want to talk about a subject.

Sometimes, well most of the time, we do beat around the bush and never state our wants, needs, or concerns directly. Men are not mind readers and we cannot expect them to use their “psychic powers” to try to please us so ladies be upfront and state exactly how you feel and fellas try to listen.

His closing argument was pretty decent, but still 7 out of the 8 things were just ridiculous. Blogxilla states “

There are a million more things men need women to know, but hey… I can’t tell all y’all everything. Beside it’s also a man’s job to mold himself to his woman’s liking. We need to understand who we are involved with and treat them how they want to be treated. Even if that does mean changing some of our ways.

(sucks that I have to right this, but this is a general post and not intended to be taken as all men think this way… Just most of us)”

Visit www.blogxilla.com for more interesting articles

Is Being Single Difficult?

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Ok I am no relationship guru but I had to share my thoughts on this subject. This post was inspired by a woman named Neenah from New Jersey who set out to find a husband in 52 weeks. She was not successful…smh. We have all been single at some point in our lives and I want to know if you feel it is difficult. Some people must have a companion at all times. Without a man or a woman they do not feel complete. Is that a problem? Why must people always be in a relationship? When do they have time for themselves? When do they allow themselves time to truly love themselves and learn who they really are?

Would you rather be in a negative relationship for the sake of having a relationship or would you rather wait until your ideal mate comes along & be happy? I think people who constantly need to be in a relationship settle for the first or second person that shows interest. They really do not have a connection, but for the sake of saying I have a girlfriend or a boyfriend that enter or stay in unhealthy relationships.

Many people in these types of relationships are very unhappy and afraid to be alone. They should really evaluate themselves and find the real problem. How are you being fulfilled in a relationship if you are not happy? How are you helping your mate improve himself or herself? What are your intentions for being in that relationship?

If you learn how to truly love yourself you will learn how to love others. You learn how to love yourself by understanding God’s love because his love is unconditional and perfect. Once you realize why and how God love’s you, your thoughts about yourself will change and how you love others will change alss. How you let others love you will change as well.

Neenah’s first mistake was trying to find her husband when she should let him find her. She went on about 40 dates in 52 weeks. That is excessive I think. Does she really know what she wants? Why the extreme attempt? Love will happen when you least expect it (so I’ve heard). When you stop looking that is when love will come. Focus on loving God and loving yourself. Take yourself out to see a movie. Treat yourself to lunch. Visit a museum or an art gallery. Do something that is pleasurable to you and you may bump into Mr. or Mrs. Right when you least expect it :-)

For more on Neenah’s Journey for Love visit www.52weeks2findhim.com

6+6=12 (Rules for Love)

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So I really have not had the time to visit some of my favorite sites/blogs and just read, because my laptop is out of commission until further notice. So, I am forced to use my desk top and I can’t bring this to bed with me, so my time on the computer is limited. I did stop by Essence and saw an article that I had to shaer. This is for those of you who are in a relationship, so this will be beneficial to you. So if your cuffin hard this fall/winter (Boo loving season) you want to pay close attention to these 12 Rules for a Successful Relationship.

1. Never yell unless there is a fire. HGB: Yelling does not solve the problem. He/she will just tune you out.
2. Your first romantic efforts are usually your tools for longevity never throw them away. HGB: Never let the “honeymoon end”
3. Always renovate the structure of your relationship nothing new can ever grow on old soil. HGB: Try new things together and explore new places. Your relationship and bond wil be stronger. Find new ways to stay in love (if that makes sense)
4. If you follow rule three you will remain in tact through any storm. HGB: Storms are only temporary so stick it out!
5. If one person is finance someone has to be management, each individual should respect the others job. HGB: We do not need too many chiefs, indians are needed too.
6. Sacrifice things that are in reason for the benefit of the relationship. HGB: Sacrifice is a major part of any relationship. Sometimes you have to give up something to please your partner and to prevent unnecessary arguments.
7. Give from your heart and never from your mouth for the heart has no mouth for speaking only actions for doing! HGB:Preach!
8. Listen to your partner don’t hear them! When you are truly listening you are not thinking of your rebuttal or contemplating your defense. HGB: “Too listen is an effor and just to hear has no merit. Ducks hear also” -Igor Stravinsky. Listen to your partner and try to understand what he/she is saying! When you do not listen that causes a break down in communication and eventually the relationship.
9. Want for your partner what you would want for yourself. HGB: If you want the best for yourself, want the best for your partner, you are not in a relationship to upstage each other.
10. Saying that you are working on your bad habits is just an excuse for delaying the change. The cure is simple change the bad habit. HGB: Actions speak louder than words. Refer back to the posts on bad habits http://hergoodybag.com/motivation-monday 
11. Keep the arguments clean and the sex dirty. HGB: Ummmmmmmm *blank stare*
12. Communication is key Democritus Of Abdera said it best: “To do all the talking and not willing to listen is a form of greed.” HGB: Communication is the basis of every relationship. With communication there is no relationship. That goes for lovers, family members, friends, and even co-workers. If you communicate effectively and not with the intentions of just doing what’s right for you, many problems can be and will be avoided.

So for all of you love birds out there, I hope this helps you and your love life.

-Stay SWEET!

Inside Scoop Men: A Few Things We Really Need To Know

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If you don’t know this already you are in luck! Men are very simple creatures (yes I said creatures) and often times there is a lack of communication between men and women because we (women) automatically assume men think like us (which we know is not the case) So here is a list of a few things we should know about the men in our lives. This may be new to some and a reminder to others so enjoy!

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1. Compliment him! Men need to feel “pretty” also. If he looks good let him know. We know how we feel when a man tells us we look gorgeous or beautiful so don’t forget to do the same for him.

2. Always keep up your appearance. When we finally snag our prince charming some women tend to “fall off” That is a huge mistake. I am not saying go to great lengths to look beautiful such as plastic surgery, but maintain your figure, dress up occasionally and leave the sweats in the closet. Do the same thing that you were doing when he was courting you. Just because you have him doesn’t mean its over…remember you have to keep him!

3. Have your own life! We some people get into relationships they cut their friends and family off. They want to spend every moment with the new boo, but ladies, he WANTS you to have your own life. He is not going to stop hanging out with his friends or watching Monday night football. Continue to participate in the activities that brought you pleasure before you met him. Your life shouldn’t stop for him.

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4. Have a backbone! I don’t think there is a sign on anyone’s back that says “Welcome to My Home.” You are not a door mat so do not act like one. Stand up for yourself and to him. This may lead to an argument, but at least he knows that you stand for something and you are not going to say “Ok baby”

5. Men show their love in multiple ways. I know you are like “he can say it once in a while.” I totally agree!! But just because he didn’t say I love you when you hung up the phone last night does not mean that he does not possess those feelings. They show their love in many ways…you just have to know your partner well enough to know that he loves you. Did he give you the last Sticky Wing at BBQs? That’s love (lol kidding)

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6. If he is less talkative or if he doesn’t seem excited and you ask “What’s wrong?” If he says “nothing’s wrong” chances are nothing is wrong. Sometimes they don’t want to talk. Don’t nag the man to death until he tells you something that you don’t want to hear. Let him be. If there is a problem he will come and talk to you…eventually lol…Just let him know ok, but if you need to talk I’m here and leave it alone. (This is extremely hard for me, but I’m working on it)

7. Don’t take certain things literally. If he says how was your day…he doesn’t want a play by play. To be honest I give it anyway lol! I was reluctant with posting this particular one because if you ask how my day was I am going to let you know how it was. I’m not going say oh it was good…unless I don’t want to talk to you, but usually I give a detailed summary(how much detail can you give in a summary right lol) of my days events. If you know me, you know I ALWAYS have a story…might I add they are always pretty funny! so that’s what you are going to get. If you don’t want the details don’t ask the question.

Ok once again I am no relationship expert, but when I find things on the internet that are interesting I always want to share with you. Once again, use your judgment. I don’t know the details of many of your relationships, but hopefully this will open up the lines of communication better.

Ladies Beware!! 6 Types of Men You Should Not Date

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Ladies, we have all dated a few jerks in our lives, but we do not have to continue! While reading Glamour’s March I came across a list of the 6 guys we must stay away from. Here is a list with HerGoodyBag twist
1. Rebound Guy-This guy will ALWAYS compare you to his ex! How well you cook, how your butt looks in jeans, and of course the intimacy! If you are really interested in this type of guy it is in your best bet to let him “heal” before you attempt to have a relationship.
2. Disappearing Guy- He is the magician, sometimes you see him, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes he calls, sometimes he won’t. Is he intouch everyday with phone calls, e-mails,text messages, and then out of the blue he goes MIA? Does he think the world revolves around him? He doesn’t call you for a week and expects you to be available within an hour to go out for drinks. Stay away from him. He is not consistent and consistency is very important in a relationship. Save yourself the ride on the emotional roller coaster.
3. Slick Guy- Is his life something out of a movie? Is he engulfed with the high life and feels complete with the new Louis Vuitton sneakers or a pair of Gucci’s? Have you seen his life on MTV, BET or any other tv show? Guess what he is hiding something! He is hiding it within his material possessions. Is his phone always on vibrate? You don’t want to wait until the wedding, kids, or even monthis from now to see his true colors.
4. Rude Guy- Ok he is the ultimate jerk pretty much! Holding random conversations or texting at dinner, “secretly” looking at other women (I know they all do, but not in my face), not holding the door for you to walk in first or even opening the car door; he is just RUDE! He obviously does not respect women and we are queens and should be treated as such!
5. Grabby Guy-I hate this type of guy! Why must you always touch me uggghhhh? Especially in weird locations like, why is your hand on my butt in the paper goods aisle in the grocery store. There is nothing wrong with being affectionate and all, but there is a time and a place for everything! Is his hand always on your thighs? Does he make many sexual innuendos? There was this one guy that was interested in me that wanted to go to the strip club on the first date! RED FLAGS definitely went up! We need to be respected and treated like the beautiful women we are especially in public, if you feel disrespected by this guy and his incontrollable hormones then RUN!
6. Last Year’s Guy-Ladies, he is an EX for a reason. Sometimes we get into these sulking moods where we just want to cuddle and be held and shown a good time….but not with the EX! Obviously something wasn’t there or something went wrong that caused you to break up! We need to move forward not backwards.

Single & Satisfied-The Beginning

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Many of our readers requested that we focus on bring the dating, relationship, and love posts
so here you go!

Everyone is not in a relationship or dying to be in one either. I saw this in Essence…the guide to being Single and Satisfied and I had to share with our readers!

Rule # 1 DO NOT PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD

“He will show up on God’s schedule not yours” So in the words of TI and Rihanna…LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!

“Laugh often and love a lot. Strive to be a person who loves life and wants to share life with someone else. It’s the energy of a well-lived life that your soul mate will be attracted to,” advises Dr. Suzan D. Johnson Cook, author of “A New Dating Attitude: Getting Ready for the Mate God Has for You (Zondervan).”

Via Essence.com

~Nique

Stay tuned…this gets good!

Single & Satisfied Pt. 9

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Your Time to Shine
The more time you spend falling in love with yourself will enrich every other relationship in your life. So to all the single ladies, enjoy working the dance floor, keep your head high and stay open to a bright future ahead.
~Nique

Single & Satisfied Pt. 8

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Alone But Not Lonely
If you have the perfect date idea, there is no reason to wait until a mystery guy shows up to do it. Do the things you love, from painting to cooking, and enjoy meeting people with similar interests.
Need Male Energy?
Don’t neglect your platonic male friends and colleagues. Enjoy the company of men from the UPS guy dropping of a package to your friends from college.

Single & Satisfied Pt. 7

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Don’t Stop Being Sexy…For You
Feel sexy in the skin you are in and continue to wear your cute lingerie, splurge on those sky-high stilettos or seductive perfume for YOURSELF.
~Nique

Single & Satisfied Pt. 6

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Date, Date, Date!
Every man you grab dinner and movie with doesn’t have to be your future husband or Denzel Washington. Go out. Live a little. Kiss a few frogs. Part of the beauty of being single is having the opportunity to experience new things with as many people as you please since you are not attached to one particular man. Enjoy and remember variety is the spice of life!

Happiness Is A Journey
“Remember when your Granny told you that the happiest people don’t have the best of everything, they just make the best of what they have? Well, Granny was onto something. Think about it, don’t you know someone who earns a lot less than you yet still manages to always look fly, take fabulous trips and make their situation work for them—despite not having a huge paycheck? The same applies to your love life. The only thing that is consistent in your life is you. Work with what ya got.”