So I spent last Friday night at church with other 20-something and 30 something year olds having “Real Talk” with my pastor A.R. Bernard. They are starting a new ministry for people within this particular age group, because many people believe that being a Christian you can’t have “fun,” which is simply not the case. So Pastor Bernard wanted to talk with us to find out how the church can better serve us in finding our place and a good balance as young developing Christians. The meeting started at 8pm and ended around 10:30pm, but none of us wanted to leave. We were having such a great time with great discussions and A LOT of our questions were answered. It was a very interactive meeting that provided a lot of clarity for many of the young adults in attendance.

One theme that Pastor Bernard focused on, is also a theme that he has been preaching about for the past few weeks which deals with different aspects of life. Here are just a few notes from the meeting on Friday…enjoy

• Establish a clear sense of self. When you know who you are and know your goals, values, and self-worth, your relationships and life will greatly improve.
• We do not only relate to people, we relate to God, self, places, and things. We need to have a great relationship with ourselves before we can relate to other people, places, and things. If we don’t establish self-control then people, places, and things will control/dominate us.
• The most important thing to bring in or to a relationship is : A LIFE! Get a life! Without a life it shows you are looking for a sens of self, security, and identity in someone, some place or something. You will find that what you are searching for can only be found within yourself and this causes hurt, pain, anger, and resentment
• You cannot look for an external solution for an internal problem.
• Having a life is more than having something to do- it is about protecting yourself. If you breakup with your significant other, lose your job and your possessions what is left? Don’t use people or things to define you because they can be taken away.

How to get a life

1. Establish a sense of self- self-worth, self-esteem, self-concept.  Who am I? It can’t be what you do or what you have.
2. Get a social life. Learn how to be social
3. Set personal development goals. Invest in yourself.
4. Think with your brain! The ultimate decision we make is emotionally based but use reasoning because it helps you get beyond the fairytale illusions

Ok so this is just the beginning. I can’t give you all of the goodies at one time. Stay tuned for more!

How can we challenge ourselves to better today than we were yesterday? There is always room for change and there is always time to reflect. What can we do today that will bring out our strengths? What can we do today to improve ourselves and our weaknesses? A challenge may seem difficult to some, but what we must realize that it is an opportunity to develop great character.

A challenge doesn’t have to be something large like trying to climb a mountain, it could be something small like not buying lunch and actually cooking. We need to reflect and evaluate the areas of our lives that we know we need to change. Changing those habits is a challenge, especially if you have been stuck in your ways for a long period of time. So my question you all (I already asked myself?) 

How will you challenge yourself today?

Self-Discipline-noun- Training and control of oneself and one’s conduct, usually for personal improvement

I know many of us set goals or resolutions for the new year, and by February we have become less motivated or we have taken our eyes of our target. Well today, the first Monday of 2010 I encourage all of you to exercise self-discipline. Jesse Owens said “We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort” In order for use to achieve our goals for the new year and for life in general we need to be disciplined. Too often we fall off of the wagon and take our eyes off the “prize” and we never get what we want or accomplish any of our goals. As a result, we can sometimes feel like a failure or empty. Many of us fall off of this “wagon” because of the lack of self-discipline.

We say we want to get healthier or in shape, but we do not change our poor eating habits or CONSISTENTLY exercise. We say want to save more money and stick to our “budget,” but we spend frivolously or we buy breakfast and lunch everyday or buy the pair of shoes that are not a necessity at the moment. We say we want to become closer to God and have a better relationship, but we do not spend time with Him daily by praying to Him, meditating, or reading His word.

In order for us to really see a change in our lives and feel accomplished, first we need to set REALISTIC GOALS. Our goals must be attainable and we have to set DEADLINES!!! Giving yourself deadlines and sticking to them will help you become more disciplined. So start off small with a simple to do list. What goals do you want to accomplish for the day, week, month, and year. Once you have set your goals stick to it!!! Self-discipline is crucial especially when it comes to improving your self-esteem, job at work, relationships with a family member, friend, co-worker, or spouse.

We need to change our habits and routines. Everything we do should be working towards one of our goals. Developing good habits and routinesare the first two steps in self-discipline. Say no to McDonald’s (I struggle with this and Burger King lol). If your friends want to go out to eat save money by eating before you go and just ordering maybe one drink and an appetizer instead of an entree. Getting in the habit of clipping coupons or looking for deals on line instead of just splurging and impulsive buying or leave the credit cards and debit cards home and put yourself on an allowance (I’ve started this already).

One thing that I struggle with is being TOO SOCIAL and PROCRASTINATING.I am always in somebody’s classroom talking or someone is always in my classroom talking and I procrastinate with grading, reading, or planning. I need to be more disciplined and keep my mouth shut because every Sunday I am always grading and it is stressful. I need to stop procrastinating and get the work done and I need to become more disciplined in that to make my life easier.

If you are comfortable where you are at this moment, that I great, but self-reflect and examine your life and see what areas in your life you need to be more disciplined. We can ALWAYS become better people.

Jim Rohn said “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment”

I would rather suffer the pain of discipline to reach my desired goals then to be disappointed in myself and have regrets because I was not disciplined enough to accomplish anything. Which do you choose?

Independence-noun- freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others

Yesterday was the 4th of July also known as Independence Day. It was the day in which America gained its independence from Great Britain. Yesterday in church we sang a song that’s simply states “I surrender all.” When I think about that song and independence day, I think about all of the things I was set free from. No one is totally free, but we do not have to be in bondage things like pessimism, apathy, selfishness, fear, low self-esteem, etc. We can be set free if we just surrender all of our past hurts, pain, negativity, to God.

Independence is not only for countries, it is for anyone who wants a fresh new start. Whatever is holding you captive and keeping you bound spiritually, mentally, or emotionally, surrender it all. As the saying goes “Let  Go and Let God” then you will experience true freedom.

I am not going to lie, I was in tears during this performance. First of all, the dancing was ON POINT! There is no one (not Usher, Omarion, or Justin Timberlake) who could have paid homage to Michael Jackson like Chris Brown. He was not given the opportunity to pay respects to Michael Jackson because of the incident with Rihanna last year and for him to pour his heart out on stage was extremely emotional.

Twitter was going crazy last night and I must say I only saw a few ignorant tweets, but if you did not think that performance was heart felt and genuine, I am not sure if you are human. Some people feel his cry was staged, but Chris Brown is not that great of an actor to pull that off. He finally had an opportunity to pay tribute to his idol the right way and he was able to show the world that he truly is sorry for his actions. He made himself vulnerable to the point where he could not sing.

WE ALL make mistakes and bad decisions in our lives, so who are we to judge this young man and incredible entertainer? Sure his earlier efforts may not have seemed “genuine” to some, but he deserves a second chance. If a person is trying to show you that they want to make their lives better and is just asking for forgiveness, why not forgive them? It takes more energy and effort to hold on to grudges and past hurts, than it does to forgive and be set free from emotional and mental bondage. You have to constantly remind yourself of why you hate or despise that person so much that you miss out on the joys of life, and clearly seeing Chris Brown perform is definitely a joy with the lack of talent that we have in the music industry today.

Pastor Bernard has taught me that in order for a person to change in the mind, they must first have a change of heart. So Chris Brown has done all he can do, he has done his community service, he has apologized, and he has been suffering in isolation since but read the words of “Man In the Mirror”

 I’m Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It’s Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

If someone is trying to make it right, don’t deny them the opportunity. Look into your life and ask yourself, have I forgiven the person or people who have caused me hurt, pain, or suffering? The first step to healing starts with you. This is not going to happened in one day. I am still struggling with totally forgiving people who have hurt me, but that performance and listening to the words of the song made me reevaluate myself. So

I’m Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I’m Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change

Persistence-noun- to be repetitious, tenacious, or insistent; to hold firmly and steadfastly to a purpose or undertaking despite obstacles.

If you want something in life you must be persistent. Without persistence it shows that you really do not wish to have what you desire. This is a quality that all should possess because it shows a person’s determination. It is not very often that many people become successful without being persistent. As the definition states, you must be insitent, tenacious, and repetitious. If you fail once, don’t just give up, keep trying until you reach your goal.

One thing that we must keep in mind is that our goal must be realistic and attainable. What good is having persistence if your goal is unrealistic. For example, if your goal is marry rich and you constantly date men just for their money, you are labeled as a gold digger and therefore, your “persistent efforts” go in vain.

Be persistent in your efforts towards weight loss, or budgeting your money. Be persistent in your efforts for changing the way you view yourself and developing high self-esteem. Be persistent in your efforts to start your own business (as long as it is legal) to bring in additional income for your family. Be persistent in finishing school and attaining your degree.

Remember, without persistence, success is very limited.

 Having a healthy self-concept or self-image is pertinent for having high self-esteem. If you do not believe in yourself, your talents, and your abilities then no one will. Often times, people determine their own self-worth and self-image based on what others think of them, and what people think is sometimes not accurate.

 Malcolm Forbes said “Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” Know who your true self is. Know your strengths and make them stronger. Know your weaknesses and try to improve in those areas. Don’t dwell on what you feel you can’t or don’t do right. Do not give power to negative thoughts. Have a positive attitude and build your esteem by valuing the positive attributes.

 If you know there are qualities that you wish to possess that will build your character, don’t loath in your own self-pity because you feel you are not the best person you can be. Focus on making yourself better and developing a healthy self-concept. If you do not believe in yourself, love yourself, or deem yourself worthy, then no one will.

 Take a look in the mirror and what/whom do you see? You determine the person you want to become. No one else does. Be real, be positive, and make the change.

Jada Pinkett Smith is on the cover of the July issue of Essence. This is focuses on why black women should love themselves, their beauty, and their bodies. It is actually a double cover issue and she looks phenomenal in both.

This is definitely an issue to get. It is time to celebrate our beauty!

Ok so here at HerGoodyBag we try to keep things positive. We keep the trash talkin to a minimum, but what I am about to say needs to be said:

Sassy City Chicks Fashion Bash was definitely a waste of time.

I have been to quite a few events like Fashion Bash and this by far was the absolute worse.

1. The “Goody Bags” (if that is what you want to call it) were pointless. I was on the elevator with my friend Kim (check out her blog) and these two girls said “this is an embarrassment! Shecky’s is way better.” If you want to compete with an event like Shecky’s or Tribeca Retail Club you must come correct! The bags consisted of either some false eyelashes, lipgloss (that dries out your lips, where is the shine?) ,or if you were lucky you got a bag with a pair of Fredericks of Hollywood boy shorts (not my size) and a french tip nail pen. Every bag had colgate wisps and some organic chips (best thing in the bag) or a luna bar. So my goody bag had about four things in it along with a coupon for 1800-Flowers. I ended up swapping with my cousin.
2. There was a limited variety of vendors. Most of the vendors either had attitudes or their merchandise was overpriced. I am not spending $45 on a dress that I can get at Forever21 for $12.80. I am not buying a $30 ring that I can get for $7 (the same exact ring). Everything was over priced except for like a few booths, but the quality of the merchandise was sub par.
3. The vendors did not cater to a variety of styles. Most of the vendors had the same over priced merchandise and the styles were very limited. Everything was either too big or too small as far as accessories. There were some nice pieces that I did see, but the price was outrageous. There were only a few people selling handbags and most of the bags looked like grandma would carry them now.
4. The “cocktails” were more like experiments. I am all for “going green” but some of the drinks served tasted like they were still in the lab kitchen.
5. On a more positive note, cosmetic company Eve Pearl was there and they were doing free make overs so that was a plus. Rani Spa was also giving free facials, but the line was too long and I didn’t feel like waiting #kanyeshrug

Overall, it was just a bad experience. My mom also went and she left after 2o minutes. It was too funny! I did end up buying a tunic (Kim and I thought it could be a dress, but its a lot shorter than it looks lol) for $10 which isn’t bad, but I am pretty upset that I paid for the event. I can see why they were giving out free tickets, because it is not worth it. They must definitely try again. Especially with the goody bag because that is what will attract customers. They had good intentions, but they need another game plan to make this event successful.

Did anyone else go to the event? What was your experience like?

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” -Anonymous

The past 15 weeks have been really hectic for me. Today is my last day of graduate school and I am truly relieved. This has been the most difficult semester for me for a number of reasons, but because of God’s grace I was able to make it through. I was under so much pressure and stress during the last few weeks. I did not realize the toll that teaching full-time, blogging, and going to school (oh can’t forget my social life) was taking on me mentally. A lot of people would say they do not know how I managed to do all of this and I thought if it wasn’t for God’s strength I wouldn’t know either.

Last Tuesday during my final class for my master’s project, my instructor asked everyone to share what they learned about themselves and what they learned about teaching from writing our thesis. I said I didn’t realize how strong I was until this semester. I knew I could handle quite a bit especially from spring of 2005 (all of my college friends and line sisters know exactly what I mean), but this semester just made me realize my strenght again. I know never to underestimate myself or my abilities ever again because everything is mental. With a positive attitude, a drive for success, and God….we can all do ANYTHING we put our minds too.

These past 15 weeks have definitely prepared me for the next stage in life. I have accomplished one goal by getting my masters (officially on Friday) and now I am focused on conquering another. Remember: